El Chris Gets a Clone

The pregnancy announcement created by El Chris and The Patient Wife

The funny thing about getting married is that within an hour of saying “I do,” your sex life becomes public interest number one. Before we even said our vows, there were not-so-subtle whispers of us having a hidden, secret pregnancy because we moved our wedding date up. In reality, we just didn’t want to wait until January to get married, so we moved the wedding to September. According to some in our social network, my lovely wife has been secretly pregnant for almost five years. At our wedding reception, we were asked several times about not if, but WHEN we would have a baby.

As time passed, the interest in my wife’s uterus failed to wane. Most people could be offset by my moderately profane response of “For you, we’ll make one tonight!” if they asked when we were having a baby. But some would press even after that. They NEEDED to know. They felt they DESERVED to know. And every damn time they asked us when we were having kids, it hurt. We were well aware that we didn’t have kids, but many people felt the need to point it out, as if my wife and I somehow forgot that we were childless.

At the very beginning of our marriage, I lost my job managing a gas station. I was told that I could take a 40% pay cut and be a cashier, or quit. We put off buying a house and definitely put off having a baby. If we couldn’t afford to insure a child and pay for daycare then we sure weren’t about to MAKE one.

Even through this financial turmoil, we were bombarded with messages from all sides about how we should have a baby. The pressure was constant. It was especially fun hearing a Catholic priest declare that we were no family without children. Did you know that there are people who believe that? They believe that you and your husband or wife are NOT a family without children. It was despicable. And it hurt every time.

This spring, The Patient Wife and I finally decided it was time. We started trying. One night in August, she took a pregnancy test and it was FAINTLY positive. I decided that I would take one as a control. It was not positive. A week, five pregnancy tests, and a midwife meeting later, it was confirmed. My wife is pregnant!

Now that we’re confirmed pregnant, we’re anxiously awaiting the hysterical, awkward things that people say to us. Now that we’re done collecting the rudeness of people pointing out that we are indeed childless, we’ll begin collecting weird, awful, hysterical, and stupid things that people say to me and my wife now that we’re expecting. This should be fun.

At this point, we’re simply thrilled. Oh yeah, and terrified. Mostly that. Mostly terrified. You can call in sick to work. You can mess up and recover. But you don’t get a do-over with a kid, and you sure as hell don’t get a sick day. But at this point, it’s a dream come true. All those jobs I worked at the same time, all those times I felt inadequate because I couldn’t provide an environment for a child, that’s behind us. Now all we have left is the giddy, ecstatic terror that comes with awaiting your first child.


I can’t wait.

Tagged as: , ,

Author: El Chris

I’m full of snark that doesn’t always come out. I have a soft spot for kids and people with special needs. I’m a disability advocate by day, and a coffee roasting photographer by night. You’ll love me, but your parents will love me more.

2 thoughts on “El Chris Gets a Clone”

  1. Congratulations!! And really…only YOU would think to take a pregnancy test. That has got to be a first. Where’s the youtube video? The drama of waiting for your positive test would be worthy of a reenactment. 🙂

  2. Hi Chris,

    Hope all is well with you and the family. I just stumbled onto your Blog and was hoping I’d find some new posts. Really interested in getting a good grinder, a roaster and some knowledge from a local guy. Anyway, best wishes to you and your family and hope to hear from you.

Tell Me Why I'm Wrong