El Chris Makes Some Dessert



Many of you are familiar with my picky diet. Many of you also know that I love a good snack. I love food. I love eating. But I’m also trying to lose weight. What’s a guy to do, right?¬†Well I’m about to say, you impatient jerk.

Since The Patient Wife and I bought a house, we finally have a space to grill. We had a grill at the apartment, but after we found a half-melted tube of Astroglide in it, we decided to cook indoors until we could control what was burned on our cooktops. The Patient Mother-in-Law gave us a grill, and then The Patient Mother-in-Law’s neighbor gave use a gas grill. Like college, experimentation ensued.

We were grilling chicken one night when The Patient Wife mentioned dessert. I was intrigued. Oreos and ice cream are rarely considered diet-compliant, but a dessert we often make at scout camp was. Here’s how to make a delicious caramelized banana, often called a banana boat. Oh El Chris, you magnificent bastard.

You will need:

1 or 2 bananas per person

1 bar of UNSWEETENED chocolate

Almond Butter


Marshmallows (optional)

Ice cream (optional)

Step 1: Slit your banana

Sorry about the phrasing. Anyway, slit your banana lengthwise, taking care not to pierce the skin on the other side.



Step 2: Break up a hunk of chocolate

Make sure the pieces are small enough to stuff inside the banana. Try not to let it stick out of the banana, but if it does it’s not the end of the world.




Step 3: Stuff that banana

Stuff the chocolate into the banana. Try to have a single-thick line of chocolate, otherwise it’ll get too thick and you won’t have enough room for the other ingredients.



Step 4: Get your almond butter.

Glop that almond butter inside the banana. Cover the chocolate, make sure it’s nice and goopy.


Step 4.5 (optional, not diet friendly)

Stuff with marshmallows. Mmmmmm.image

Step 5: Wrap in tin foil.

If more than one person is making a banana boat, you can leave the stem or the butt uncovered to remember whose is whose.image

Step 6: Put ’em on the coals.

You don’t want flames on the coals, but you do want them to glow. The water in the banana skin keeps them from burning, and the heat caramelizes the banana. Put them DIRECTLY ON THE COALS. Leave them on until they’re squishy to the touch. If they smoke or smell like burned sugar, pull it off IMMEDIATELY and pray to God that you didn’t screw it up because you really want to eat this.image

Step 7: Remove and unwrap

Because of science and stuff, you can usually just grab the stem of the banana and not get burned, but just to be safe, use tongs. After about 15-20 minutes, remove and unwrap them. They should look like this.image

Step 8: Eat.

At this point, you can just dig in. I sometimes add honey to counteract the bitterness of the unsweetened chocolate. The Patient Wife likes to add vanilla ice cream while the banana is still hot. If you’re not avoiding sugar, you can use dark chocolate or milk chocolate instead of the unsweetened stuff. It’s heavenly, and if you make it without the optional ingredients, it’s paleo friendly. Skip the honey, and you’ve got yourself a vegan dessert.

Next time you’re grilling, give this a shot and let me know what you think.

Author: El Chris

I'm full of snark that doesn't always come out. I have a soft spot for kids and people with special needs. I'm a disability advocate by day, and a coffee roasting photographer by night. You'll love me, but your parents will love me more.

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