El Chris Reads an Internet

We’ve all seen these “Life Hack” posts on Facebook about “Borderline Genius.” Most are lukewarm ideas, but some are just downright stupid. Here are my rebuttals to the REALLY stupid ones that I just read from 41 Camping Hacks That Are Borderline Genius. The bold is what was written on the website. My brain hurts from … Continue reading “El Chris Reads an Internet”

El Chris Makes a Sandwich

As far back as I can remember, I’ve thought that learning higher math was stupid. Maybe it’s for the same reason that I hate football: I’m not good at it. I remember sitting for HOURS as a kid with my math homework, frustrated and angry. My grandpa’s brother was an engineer, and when I was … Continue reading “El Chris Makes a Sandwich”

El Chris Makes a Treat

A while back, I was stumped for ideas on how to entertain my cub scouts for an hour. It was hot and awful outside, so running was out. We had already launched water rockets, so that was out. And we couldn’t cook, because it was hot and awful. Then, as I was digging through my … Continue reading “El Chris Makes a Treat”

El Chris was a Weird Kid

When I was young, I had terrible insomnia. One cure, my mother discovered, was Garrison Keillor on my tape player. I would listen to him and his classic Prairie Home Companion bits on my sweet JVC boombox and fall asleep to that velvet baritone. Well, when I was ten, I got a CD player for … Continue reading “El Chris was a Weird Kid”

El Chris Outlives the Bastards

“One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am – a reluctant enthusiast….a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you … Continue reading “El Chris Outlives the Bastards”

El Chris Sings a Song

  When I was younger, I used to sing frequently inside my head. We’re talking young, like second-or-third-grade young. I was always very into music, but I had an insecurity with singing stemming from when I was 5 and a classmate found out I could sing, although in a youthful soprano. Well, my classmate and … Continue reading “El Chris Sings a Song”

El Chris Sells His Soul

When I was in my early twenties, I did stupid crap with credit cards. I tried to buy the affection of my girlfriend as a solution to a painfully unhealthy relationship, I went to an expensive gym, had an expensive cell phone plan (with 1000 texts and UNLIMITED mobile web!) and I ended up racking … Continue reading “El Chris Sells His Soul”

El Chris Reads a Poem

I used to hate when people would read me poetry. In fact, I used to just hate poetry. I hated everything about it. I thought it was something reserved for that one kid with all the feelings so he could write about them in an AABBCC rhyme structure in his notebook. Poetry was stupid. Turns … Continue reading “El Chris Reads a Poem”

El Chris goes to Camp

I like words. I’ve always liked words. When I was in high school, my gift for words and language was nurtured, and as loudly as I complained about high school, I’m forever grateful for that. I was the first student at my high school who took three of the four languages offered, and the only … Continue reading “El Chris goes to Camp”